Living For Me
by Euria Diamond
Summary: RHr OneShot. PostWar. On a chilly November afternoon, Hermione decides to finally let Ron know how she's been feeling lately.  The rain is coming, and she's leaving. She just wants him to know...everything.


**Living For Me**

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The clouds to the North of the Burrow were looking dark and on the verge of bursting. 

It was mid-November.

Hermione Granger stood inside, looking out at a large array of chairs in the backyard, just waiting for people to occupy them, scattered with windblown leaves. She let her head lull forward to meet the cool glass window. The clouds had been coming for days, but it never rained. They seemed almost as expectant as the chairs on the lawn. And they hung above her like one of Professor Trelawney's 'omens'.

The Burrow was empty; it had been for the entire morning. Hermione had paced the house with tired eyes for hours before getting herself together. She managed to change and put on a heavy cloak and a scarf. Then she came to the door, right next to the window where she was now, (Standing next to her packed trunk, she was leaving in the morning.) and waited.

Waited for what? The right moment. There was a perfect time for her to go, and when it came, she would know.

But it was going to rain. When, she didn't know. But just like her time, the rain would have its perfect time. And the clouds would know when to let go. She could smell the rain approaching, even though the clouds were reasonably far away. She resentfully pulled on a pair of gloves and pushed the back door open. The air that met her face was immediately bitter, filled with the promise of winter. A cold wind was whipping her hair everywhere. Tugging her scarf further around her neck, she set off down the aisle between the sections of chairs, her shadow dancing in front of her. There was a loud crack of thunder, and she could see lightening far away. It was nearing four o'clock, things like that were barely visible. This was _her _time to let go.

Hermione walked slowly, and lifted her head, though her heart felt heavy. It seemed to take forever to walk down the aisle. Indeed, it was quite a walk at a slow pace. Many people expected to sit in those chairs, if only it would rain. Hermione felt like it needed to rain. Maybe it would make her feel better. The rain could teach her to let go, just release everything when she got too full, like she was now. The rain could wash it all away, those annoying leaves, and the bits of trees that scattered the walk in front of her.

Toward the end of the walk, Hermione could see Ron lying under a tree. She didn't pay attention to his surroundings. Why was he lying outside in the middle of the day? Didn't he know? It was going to rain. She walked closer, seeing that his eyes were closed. He looked as if he were asleep. She figured now was as good of a time as any.

"Hi." She said out loud. There was no reply. Of course not, she thought. His eyes are closed.

Telling herself he was asleep, she went on, "I'm sorry for never admitting to you why I fought with you all those years." She said quietly. Everyone knew they liked one another, but she never admitted it to herself, nor did he, for a long time.

"I guess it's strange me standing over you, talking to you like this when you can't really answer me. But I just thought I had to properly say goodbye. You know I'm leaving tomorrow. We didn't have much time to spend with one another. I wanted to see you once before I left…just the two of us.

"Ron, I'm really sorry though, for everything and anything I ever did. I never wanted to hurt you. All those times I dated other people; I just wanted you to notice. And all those times I yelled at you, I just wanted you to care. And I'm so damn angry that I waited this long...I'm sorry about what happened with Lavender, and I'm sorry that your Mum…." She choked on her words. Almost waiting for a reply. Pools of tears formed in her eyes. Mrs. Weasley had passed nearly a year ago.

"I…erm...I'm sorry your Mum had to wait so long to see you again. I could tell she was happy though. I could just tell. I can't help but think...that a lot of it is my fault though. Your Mum, you know…she was trying to protect me. And then Bill…" she felt a few tears drip down her cheeks, "He was just trying to keep Harry s-safe…all because I went with my gut and led everyone there." She let out a small sob, trying to regain her normal breath. "I'm s-s-sorry. I won't be surprised if the rest of your family n-never wants to see me again. And…I'm sorry that you e-ever thought Crookshanks ate Scabbers, I mean, I know Scabbers was evil…b-but…I-I…never wanted you to b-be angry with me. I only wanted you to see. Last year, I only wanted to help, to keep you safe. And R-Ron…I just w-want you to know… I-I…l-love you." A large gust of wind met her back and sent her cloak flying about on her shoulders. She didn't pay any mind. She bowed her head in her hands and cried.

She stayed like that for what seemed ages. She willed Ron to just wake up and respond to her pouring her heart out, but he didn't. Fast asleep, she thought. He always did sleep like a rock. But she was fooling herself as she dropped her hands to her sides, and lifted her red, tear streaked face to the clouds. It was going to rain. The clouds had moved in closer and thunder was even more constant.

Hermione had never said, "I love you" to anyone, besides her parents of course. She never had the will to. And she felt kind of silly saying it in that moment, the words were just flowing, coming out of her heart and she didn't have the self control to stop them. She knew Ron could hear her, though. He may have been off in his own little world, but she knew. She just didn't want to say goodbye. She had wanted to wait until morning, but by then it would have been too late. The Weasleys had left her alone so she could have a private conversation with him.

Another loud crack of thunder just above her head brought her back to reality. The wind had picked up once again. Something in the back of her mind told her to get him to come inside. But she knew she had to leave him be. She did, however, bend over and kiss his cheek in farewell. She stood for a moment or two, feeling a strange warmth on her face momentarily, and then sighed, allowing a few final tears to grace her cheeks. And knowing her words did not go to waste; she closed the lid of the casket as the clouds opened up and it started to rain.

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A/N: Different genre for me. I thought of this idea in the shower, and went to see what I could get out of it. Love it? Hate it? REVIEW!

Did you know what was going on from the beginning?

Possibly a sequel, we'll see.


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